Not So Happy Memories

August 26, 2022 /

I have experienced feeling emotionally drained, being with toxic people has put me in bad situations and damaged my self worth. Toxic people are those who gaslight and manipulate others, among many other characteristics.

My experience dealing with toxicity was during a time I had to choose sides with a person who knew they were wrong. Being in this position made me very uncomfortable because I felt like if I didn’t agree with them there would be negative consequences. I worried about being made to feel guilty and hearing statements  like “why are you agreeing with this person if I did more things for you!” and would throw all the things they did for me in my face and would say how ungrateful of a person I was. This also made no sense because they would always say that we can be very honest with them, but then later would start saying hurtful things and get mad about how I felt. Dealing with this made me not want to talk about my feelings with anyone at all, so I would shut myself out from the world and keep a lot of things to myself. I suffer in silence because I choose not to tell anyone how I feel because of the experience I had with telling others my emotions and what’s been going on in my head. These types of situations really affected my communication skills with the people I love and my friends as well. I’ve felt really drained and had no motivation to do anything. I felt completely distant from the world. The moment I realized that those moments were toxic was when I left that environment. Having other people show me what a home truly feels like made me realize that toxicity was a major big deal and that I was able to break that cycle. Sometimes I look back and I realize how bad the situation really was and wished how I could have handled them if only I had spoken up for myself, my sister, and my little cousins who were all victims of a toxic household.