It was a few years later and I had just started the fourth grade. I was walking home from school, which was down the street. I remember it was really hot and I had a sweater on. As I was getting closer to home I saw a bunch of cars around my house. As I got closer I noticed they were police cars and there was a lot of people standing around. I began to feel panic and started running towards my house. A few of the cops started yelling at me but I didn’t care. I kept running until one of the cops tackled me. After I calmed down, they allowed me to go inside and see my mom. My mom was on the couch in handcuffs, our house was in complete disarray. She told me she was going to have to go away for a while. I completely broke down, I felt so angry. They took her away immediately after and it was just my grandmother and I in the house. It felt so empty, I felt so empty. That’s when my mother went to prison for a felony. I didn’t think things could get worse, but they did.

A few years pass and I was in the sixth grade. I had been having these bad nightmares for some time and I was often depressed. I did what most teenage boys and girls do when they feel alone, look for comfort outside of home and that’s exactly what I did. Some people get lucky, have a supportive environment around them and find a sport or a hobby. I, on the other hand, found drugs. I smoked weed and drank tons of alcohol, I would also take ecstasy from time to time. I would also go out to high school parties while still in middle school, I was trying to cover up pain with poison and that lead to something very, very bad. I started to get into fights and built up anger, I got into trouble during school and never did my homework. I was an average F student. I continued this for about the rest of middle school and the beginning of high school. The funny thing is when I started all this negative behavior my mom got out of prison.

In sophomore year of high school, I had got expelled from school for fighting, because people would pick on me and call me names. Finally, I reached my breaking point and was deep in depression. I took anger management courses two years in a row, once freshman men year and another sophomore year. At the end of sophomore year, I came out to the world and announced that I was bi-sexual. At this point, I had found someone to talk to and that really helped. I was so glad that they cared and loved me even though I’m not perfect or what people imagined I would be.

That person was my mom. After she was released we reconnected strongly. She didn’t try to compare stories or even try to make me feel better by saying she feels my pain, even though she had been in my shoes in her own childhood. To be honest, I was really terrified of telling my mom about the various kinds of abuse and pain I’d experienced so I turned to drugs. I should of just came to her and told her but that was not the choice I made.

To be honest, I do still struggle with substance abuse, though I don’t do it as often as I used to. I work out now and try to hang around a different crowd, I try to keep positive people around me. I talk to my friends more than before, they cheer me up. I have a good group of friends, that’s really one of the biggest things helping me right now.

I regret my past in ways but I also think it made me stronger in some ways. Street wise, I feel like I know who I can trust, if something bad happens, I won’t freak out or panic. I know how to handle myself. I’m not trying to get peoples sympathy, I’m writing to let everyone out there know that there are people out there that love you and you’re not alone. My dream is to be a chef. I also want to help youth who went through similar experiences as I did. Don’t be scared and have faith, your happily ever after will make its way towards you!

Tags: family, spotlight