I’m Not Her

November 15, 2023 /

I told you that I had trouble feeling special
living in our patriarchal, capitalist world
I do not meet the beauty standards
not even halfway there
yet you called me beautiful once
and I believed it
but how many other girls believe in the same lie like me?
perhaps to them, they are not lies
it’s obvious there are prettier women out there
women with more talent than I can imagine
with more beauty than I will ever see in my mirror
who stand on their own ground and it doesn’t shake
because they have stability and I don’t
they are sunny days with warm weather
and I am a hurricane
wet, messy, and destructive.
I don’t blame you for searching for other girls
it’s a good idea to have options
because it feels like I am running out of time
but if you believe that I can’t be loved
unless I love myself
then I don’t think I’ll ever be her
loving myself is a life-long journey
I could wake up tomorrow and be her
but then shift back to the girl you first knew
afraid, lonely, and unspecial
— Jackie Morales

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