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Long after getting to know each other, I started to have feelings for him. You know those butterflies that fill up your tummy, how you get nervous when they place their eyes directly onto yours? Those were the feelings I got when I saw him. After revealing that to him, he confessed he felt the same and we started dating.
Deep down, under all of those butterflies, I was afraid this relationship would scar the one I had with my family. My partner was a guy. At first it was weird, I couldn’t get use to the idea of having, you know, a boyfriend. My parents didn’t know, neither did my friends until I came out to the world on Facebook, announcing to everyone my relationship status.
For months my friends knew about my relationship but not my parents. After six months of my relationship with him disguised as a friendship at home, the moment I had been expecting for so long knocked on my door. My mom came in my room one day, she sat down next to me. I was lying on my bed texting, and she politely waited for me to click the “send” button. She looked at me and I looked back into those eyes of hers and noticed her radiant smile that she wears even on her most dreadful days.
She placed her hand on my shoulder. “Are you gay?” she asked me. “No,” I said with a firm voice and a cold sober look on my face. I instantly knew it was a mistake. “Okay,” she said. She got up and was ready to leave my room when I stopped her by saying, “Mom, wait! I’m not gay… I’m bi- sexual.” Her poker face caused me a little distress for a minute. She asked me how come I never told her anything and my answer was short and simple. I said because it was weird and I didn’t know how to say it.
Even though what I said was factual, only I knew the real heavy- weight reasons of why I never said anything. I knew that she and the rest of my relatives were expecting the ordinary heterosexual guy from me. That’s why I felt so much shame of myself.
It seemed like my mom wasn’t too comfortable with the idea at first but after my dad found out and wasn’t being quite supportive, it seemed as if reason had hit her and it turned things back around as I felt her support more than ever. My dad became distant for about two to three weeks, but one day he asked to talk to me. What he said had me in shock. He said he supported and respected my life and who I was. I knew that one day the nightmare of having my parents not know or accept the real me had to end.
