My Flaws Are My Beauty – My Summer Experience At ARC pt. I

September 18, 2012 /

The very first chord that struck in my heart was called realization and it happened during an English lesson on Day 5. The ground I sat on was softened with brown pine needles like caramel sprinkles on a chocolate ice cream. My eyes were wandering around the canopies of the pine trees searching for the source of a sweet melody flowing in the wind. Suddenly Claudia, our English instructor of the day, groaned and rolled a boulder larger than my head over to the center of the circle. She asked us to compare this huge boulder to things that weigh us down in life and a tiny stone to things that makes us happy. I compared my anger, my short temper, and my low self-esteem to the boulder. My family and my boyfriend represent the tiny stone that makes me happy in life but I realized that my relationships with both of them haven’t been very healthy. Although I realized that my relationships weren’t healthy, I didn’t realize I was part of the reason why they weren’t healthy. I thought that I was good enough, that I gave enough already and that I didn’t need to fix myself, that it was them who needed to do so. In result, my ignorance made a fool out of me the next day.

That day we hiked to the top of Mount Walkins. On my left was Clouds Rest, in front of me was Half Dome, across from Half Dome was North Dome, and on my right was Eagles Peak. The emerald green trees, silky streams, and caramel forest floor looked like toys to me. Immediately, the chord of realization struck again. I realized that relationships are like this beautiful view. Without the silky streams, the trees would not be emerald green. Without the caramel forest floor, the trees would not hold and the streams would not flow. I realized I cannot expect the same kind of love back from those who I give my love to.

Love comes in many different forms. People are not perfect but their love will always be perfect like the tree that absorbs the glistening water of a river and grows. Love to trees means sinking its roots into the river floor and to firmly hold the boulders and ground together to support the river’s flow to its destination.  I realized I only saw one kind of love, mine, and since I didn’t recognize the love my family and boyfriend were giving me, I became angry, short-tempered, and developed low self-esteem. That night I made a commitment to myself that I will sink my roots into the river bend to firmly hold the boulders and ground together to support the river’s flow to its destination. Mount Walkins taught me the art of love and my rage of misunderstandings quickly vanished. That night I made a commitment to myself that I will leave this huge boulder behind by the time this course ends so I can improve my relationships. The raging part and short-tempered part of the boulder fell off.

stay tuned for the second part of my essay, as well as a picture slide show from this summer’s ARC course. 

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